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When our son was 2 years old, our twins were born. That meant that for a while, we had three kids under 3 years old (and then three kids under 4, and then three under 5). At the time, I was also working at a high-stress job as a Justice Department attorney, with not enough support at home or at work. Perhaps I began to get depressed, but it would be more accurate to say I was moving too fast even to know how I felt. Mostly, I was like a hamster on a wheel: sprinting as fast as I could just to stay in place. My days blurred together in an endless loop of emails, laundry, preschool drop-offs, spit-up, 2 a.m. feedings, and briefing political appointees. I knew something had to change, but the entire concept of self-care seemed completely inaccessible. A spin class? A pedicure? Even a massage? You might as well have told me to hike to the moon. Fortunately, I hit upon a quick, free, low-effort practice that helped me begin to find my way back to myself: I started to count my wins. Every night before I went to sleep, I would list three things I did well that day. They werent huge accomplishments, I promise. Sometimes, they were things like, I got Henry to eat a green bean today. But over time, something pretty incredible started to happen. Instead of feeling like a hamster on a wheel, running so fast and getting nowhere, I began to notice that I was actually getting somewhere. That email I spent two weeks on actually did go out, and it was pretty good if I do say so myself. I remembered to call my friend on her birthday. I made the vacation rental reservation. My life wasnt just an endless to-do list. There were lots and lots of things I was accomplishing all the time. The power of small wins Heres what I know: we are excellent at identifying what we havent done. I bet you could list 10 unfinished tasks right now off the top of your head. But what about something you accomplished this week? Can you name even one? Our constant cataloguing of tasks and reminders of where weve fallen short starts to chip away at us. Merely thinking about our to-do lists creates anticipatory stress and fatigue, depleting our energy and creating overwhelm. When I forced myself to list the things I had accomplished, I was able to shift my focus away from all the things I was failing to achieve, and instead to notice all that I was. How to Start Counting Your Wins Make it a habit. Each night before bed, Id name three things I did well that day. Its helpful to connect it to something that youre already doing, so you might try it on your commute, or while brushing your teeth. Daily is ideal, but weekly works, too. Be specific. I was a good manager is fine. I supported Alex through a tough client call is better. Specificity helps your brain register and remember the success. Define your own wins. Wins dont have to be big. They just have to matter to you. A win could be leading a meeting well or setting a boundary with a relative or remembering to bring your lunch. You get to define what counts. Check in with yourself. Set a calendar notice for three weeks after youve started counting your wins to ask yourself if youre seeing any difference in your patience or energy level. Are you a little easier on yourself? Are you finding it easier to identify wins? That reflection can motivate you to keep up the practice. Its so easy to lose sight of our progress. Counting your wins is a simple but powerful tool to reclaim that perspective. It doesnt require a lot of time or a major life overhaul, just a brief pause to recognize all that you are accomplishing. That moment of reflection can help you sustain momentum, rebuild resilience, and reconnect with a sense of purpose. In a world that often measures us by whats next, this practice reminds us: what youve already done counts, too.
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E-Commerce
Ever given someone the cold shoulder at work because you felt they slighted you in a meeting? Or maybe you daydream about ways to retaliate on the person who got the promotion instead of you? Whether its carried out or not, the desire for revenge is hardwired into our brains, says James Kimmel Jr., author of The Science of Revenge: Understanding the Worlds Deadliest Addictionand How to Overcome It and founder of the Yale Collaborative for Motive Control Studies. Evolutionary psychologists have a leading theory that humans began finding revenge pleasurable as part of the ice age, he explains. Its part of an adaptive strategy to cause people to comply with or obey with social norms of the community. During that time, missteps included stealing food or spousesthings that threatened the ability to survive and procreate. In modern times, though, revenge seeking is not based on survival. Instead, its triggered when someone wrongs us, initiating a fight-or-flight, self-defense mechanism. This once adaptive strategy of revenge seeking has now become often a pathological strategy, says Kimmel. Slights, insults, humiliation, shame, betrayalthose are the types of things we’re willing to punish or even kill each other for. It’s more like a disease because we’re not using it to probate. We’re using it to destroy relationships without regard to the original reasons we have this behavior in our repertoire as part of human evolution. Revenge in the Workplace Kimmel says we move through life with a mental courtroom inside our heads, endlessly putting people on trial who insult, wrong, humiliate, shame, or betray us. Often the people who caused that sense of victimization don’t know about it, he says. Sometimes it’s intended, but sometimes its not. Intention, however, doesnt matter. At a biological level, the brains pain network is activated, and the response is to equalize itself. It activates the reward and pleasure circuitry, triggering a desire for revenge. At work, revenge often comes in a form of social rejection, such as excluding someone or giving them the cold shoulder, says Kimmel. Im going to withdraw my attention, he says. I’m no longer going to gratify your need to feel part of my group. Its a retaliatory strategy. Social isolation can be painful and effective, but Kimmel says its a passive-aggressive strategy that can bring about a retaliation response from the other person where behaviors can escalate. For example, it can eventually become the direct sabotage of company projects or another person’s work or anonymous online attacks a coworker or a superior you feel that has harmed you. It can even turn into workplace violence. The Risks of Revenge-Seeking Revenge is not best thought of as an emotion. Its a motivational drive, says Kimmel. In our brains we have the prefrontal cortex that is our executive function and self-control circuitry, he says. Its there to prevent you from doing things that harm yourself or others. If you move into that point where you can’t control ityou can’t resist that urgeyou can start engaging in retaliatory behavior in the workplace. While a revengeful action may feel good in the moment, it comes with risks, says Kimmel. First, you’re harming a relationship that is probably still valuable to you. Its a double-edged sword, he says. As you’re trying to hurt the other person, you’re almost invariably hurting yourself. Revenge seeking delivers pleasurable dopamine, but its short lived. Youre often left in greater pain than when you started, which can lead to wanting to seek more revenge. The risks can also become bigger, such as losing your job, losing valuable contacts in the company, and losing your reputation. Those types of experiences can bleed over to your personal life, says Kimmel. All of a sudden, everything you worked for is slowly being undermined or destroyed by an inability to control these revenge desires. A revengeful person in the workplace is often thought of as a hot head. It’s not about somebody who’s evil, says Kimmel. It’s somebody who’s dealing with powerful revenge desires that are actually an addiction. Circumventing the Revenge Response One of the best ways to tamp down the urge for revenge is something else humans are wired for: forgiveness. Neuroscience shows that when you just imagine forgiving a grievance, it reverses the entire grievance-revenge-seeking process and shuts down the pain network, says Kimmel. It takes away the fantasies you’re having about how to get back at the person. Forgiveness is often considered a sign of weakness, but Kimmel says its a sign of self-healing. It reactivates your prefrontal cortex executive function and self-control strategy, allowing you to regain control over your behaviors so you don’t do things to hurt yourself or others. You can use it anytime and as often as you want, says Kimmel. Close your eyes and imagine what it would feel like to forgive. Most people say they would feel better, lighter, and like a weight came off their shoulders. They can leave it in the past and go forward. If you’re in a toxic workplace, youll need to remove yourself to be happy and healthy. Once the present threat is in the past, its a memory you can no longer experience. Punishing someone or seeking revenge for it, brings the memory into your present and future, day after day. If one of your goals in life is to have a successful career and workplace experience, you’re going to want to forgive, says Kimmel. A Harvard study showed that winners don’t tally; they don’t seek revenge. People who choose not to punish but to forgive and move on almost invariably win the game. People who are given the opportunity to punish and take it lose the game. We’re always losers when we seek revenge.
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E-Commerce
If Gen Z is known as the side hustle generation, Gen Alpha may soon take the crown. A survey of 2,002 U.S. Gen Alpha and Gen Z individuals (ages 12 to 28) by social commerce platform Whop found that more than half are using the internet not simply for brain rot and catching up with friends, but also for earning cash. The iPad kid generationthe oldest of whom are just 15are already putting their screen time to good use. Nearly half (47.1%) are actively earning online through digital side hustles like selling vintage clothing, streaming video games, and posting on social media. Thats a 15% increase from last year. When it comes to knowing someone who makes money online, that number jumps to 72.3%. Instead of relying on pocket money, Gen Alpha members are earning an average of $13.92 per hour from their digital pursuitsnearly double the U.S. federal minimum wage of $7.25. Based on those hourly earnings, theyre pulling in the equivalent of a $28,000 full-time annual salary, all before turning 16. At the high end, 1.7% of Gen Alpha and Gen Z hustlers earned more than $40,000 last year. Social media platforms have opened new doors for work, and young people raised online are best equipped to step through them. The most common side hustle is reselling new or vintage clothes, with one in five (20.1%) of Gen Aers and Gen Zers earning income this way. Others bring in money from streaming video games (14.1%) or competing in esports tournaments (13.1%). About one in 10 (10.5%) are monetizing content by posting on social media or “clipping”repurposing YouTube videos, podcasts, or livestreams into short, shareable clips with viral potential. Only 9.1% are currently earning through brand sponsorships, though many still dream of becoming full-time creators. Social media raised this generation, so making money on the internet is now the norm. When you grow up watching YouTube creators and Twitch streamers living lavish lifestyles, its only natural to want to be part of that, Brett Malinowski, the marketing director at Whop, tells Fast Company. Many of todays biggest creators started posting content when they were teenagersand now they realize that this is a way for them to make real money. So, what are these young hustlers saving for? While many are investing in cryptocurrency or stocks, or putting money aside for college, a house, or a big purchase, their main goal is a familiar one: gaining financial independence from the Bank of Mom and Dad. These side hustles are also reshaping how they use screen time. Gen Alpha now spends 3.5 fewer hours per week on screens for entertainment or relaxation compared with Gen Z. Instead, theyre dedicating about a fifth (20.3%) of their screen time to their hustles, slightly more than Gen Z, at 19.5%. With the rising cost of living driving more people to seek extra income, the youngest cohort of workers are leading the chargeand they dont plan to slow down. Over half of Gen Aers (51.5%) say they intend to turn their side hustle into a full-fledged career. As these generations enter the workforce in greater numbers, theyre ditching the traditional path and forging their own. Theyre not just getting the bagtheyre redefining how its earned.
Category:
E-Commerce
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