I was strolling up the hill in Greater Boston to a French cooking class. The rich aroma of melting butter and fresh herbs greeted us as it wafted through the chilly fall air. My friend Sylvie and I were eager to learn the art of soufflé-making.
The French instructors asked for everyones background. When Sylvie said she was from France, they pressed her to be specific: Which part of France? When they learned she hailed from Strasbourg, the Parisiennes exchanged disapproving glances. Sylvie eyed their silent, snooty disdain.
It got worse. When Sylvie started asking about techniques, we received curt responses and pronounced sighs. We left feeling as deflated as a collapsed soufflé.
The French instructors may have mastered the art of French cooking but failed miserably in practicing humility toward Sylvie. They could have done so by celebrating Sylvies hometown as a region with its own culinary specialties. In snubbing Sylvie, the instructors missed an opportunity to demonstrate the rich diversity of soufflés across geographies and to toast the diversity of participants in the cooking class.
Humility is based on a common theme: Train your focus on others, not on yourself.
The importance of managing your ego
Early in my Silicon Valley career, I had the good fortune to work for Bart, a humble leader who left his ego at the door. Bart regularly sought out employees at all levels for their input on new products and improving the company. He collaborated with individuals and other stakeholders, so they could see what made sense for the business. He asked customers crucial questions and listened carefully to their answers.
Bart never threw his weight around. Instead, he was a role model for how to be in a position of power while ensuring each employee felt heard, included, and invited to showcase their influence. Humility requires you to check your ego and ensure that you dont let it dictate your actions.
Seek and embrace feedback
Later in my career while running my diagnostic equipment business, we hired a head of research and development. This professional came with an impressive pedigreehis PhD and postdoctoral research were from some of the top schools in the world.
With his vast knowledge, accomplishments, and experience he easily could have asserted himself. You know, that arrogant person who knows best, never admits hes wrong, and isnt open to suggestions. Weve all met that individual.
But our new head of R&D was actively soliciting feedback on products from collaborators, customers, and salespeople across the globe with less education. In the end, he was able to integrate input from a broad mix of stakeholders into our products. He always showed his gratitude for ideas people gave him and considered many of them for possible future use.
Listen more than you speak
William is a strength and conditioning coach friend of mine who trains professional and amateur athletes. He says that one of the most common phrases he hears from his clients is You really understand me. He believes that this is because he allows his clients to do most of the talking. They feel heard and understood, he says, because he signals hes listening intently.
According to him, the following practices are key to being a good listener:
Practice active listening without planning your response. If you predict what the other person is about to say, your response could miss the mark. Respond only after the person youre speaking with is done talking.
Show genuine interest in others’ perspectives. Our natural tendency is to blurt out what we think. Resist the urge. Instead, draw the other person out through thoughtful questions.
Dont interrupt or dominate conversations. This is arguably the hardest to do because we want to be heard. Keep your lips together when you feel compelled to interject. Learn to sense when to yield the conversation to another person. You dont want the reputation of being that person who doesnt know when to stop talking.
Ask thoughtful follow-up questions. Think through your follow-up question before you ask it. If youve been listening carefully, a question will come to mind with little effort.
Dont underestimate the impact of curiosity
Theres a concept called epistemic humility, which refers to a trait where you seek to learn on a deep level while actively acknowledging how much you dont know.
Approach each interaction with curiosity, an open mind, and an assumption youll learn something new. Ask thoughtful questions about others experiences, perspectives, and expertise. Then listen and show your genuine interest in their responses. Let them know what you just learned. By consistently being curious, you demonstrate youre not above learning from others.
Juan, a successful entrepreneur in the healthy beverage space, approaches life and grows his business with intellectual humility. Hes a deeply curious professional who seeks feedback and perspectives from customers, employees, advisers, and investors.
Juans ongoing openness to learning led him to adapt faster to market changes in his beverage category: He quickly identifies shifting customer preferences as well as competitive threats, then rapidly tweaks his product offerings to keep competitors at bay. He has the humility to realize he doesnt have all the answers and embraces listening to key voices that help make his business even more successful.
A final reflection
Being humble makes us more approachable and respected. With humility, we value others perspectives. The French soufflé instructors lost their class participants respect because far from practicing humility, they served up snobbery along with their lessons on creating the perfect soufflé.
Humility isn’t about diminishing oneself. It’s about having a balanced perspective about yourself while showing genuine respect and appreciation for others. And if youre open to the journey, the growth and self-awareness will enrich your life and the lives of those around you.
