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Anxiety and ambition often go hand in handbut we rarely talk about that openly, especially in the context of leadership. Morra Aarons-Mele, author of The Anxious Achiever and host of the award-winning podcast of the same name, has built a career helping high performers understand and reframe the role anxiety plays in their lives. In our conversation, which has been lightly edited for length and clarity, she shares why anxiety doesnt have to be a weakness, how anxious achievers can set boundaries without losing drive, and why learning to work with our inner criticrather than against itcan be a powerful force for growth. JW: What does the term anxious achiever mean to you and how can we begin to reframe anxiety not as a weakness but as a potential source of strength? MAM: An anxious achiever is someone who channels anxiety into ambition, work ethic, productivity, and leadership. Along the way, theyve learned that performance equals value. Many people tell me, When I achieved, I was loved. I learned thats what I should doand the fear of losing keeps me moving forward. Others say, I grew up poor, with a single mom who struggled and a dad who didnt pay the bills. Ill never be that vulnerable again. For them, the anxiety of scarcity drives their determination. Anxiety is really a misunderstood emotion. We have a lot of social stigma against what anxiety represents in our culture, especially in leadership. And therefore we pretend we don’t have it, which is crazy because everyone experiences anxiety. We need to have anxietyits what has kept us alive as a species. It’s our body’s way of preparing us for action. So, we shouldnt want to rid ourselves of our anxiety, but we may need healthier ways to manage it. {"blockType":"creator-network-promo","data":{"mediaUrl":"https:\/\/images.fastcompany.com\/image\/upload\/f_webp,q_auto,c_fit\/wp-cms-2\/2025\/03\/acupofambition_logo.jpg","headline":"A Cup of Ambition","description":"A biweekly newsletter for high-achieving moms who value having a meaningful career and being an involved parent, by Jessica Wilen. To learn more visit acupofambition.substack.com.","substackDomain":"https:\/\/acupofambition.substack.com","colorTheme":"salmon","redirectUrl":""}} JW: What are your go-to strategies for managing anxious thoughts in the middle of a workday? MAM: I’m a big believer in understanding the physical roots of anxiety. I have found that I need to calm my body before I can go into any cognitive reframing (the process of reframing our thoughts to try to change our mind or compartmentalize). So I have props on my deska pen, a water bottle, this egg shaped rock that I love and I use these visceral tools to ground myself. So if I’m feeling my anxiety rise and I’m on a Zoom call, I might grab my water bottle or my rock and just really tune into it, feel it. With practice, Ive trained my body to downregulate a bit. Then I use breathing to bring my brain back online and reengage. Anxiety can spiral in a meeting when your nervous system ramps upyou cant breathe, cant focus, and feel shaky. Thats why grounding practices are so important. JW: How can anxious achievers set boundaries in workplaces that often reward constant availability and overachievement? MAM: Yeah, it’s the rub, right? Anxious achievers often land in environments that both reward and exploit them. Too often, it takes burning out to realize they can set boundariesand thats where therapy can be transformative. I love ACT therapy because it helps people reconnect with their values and sense of self. Why does it feel so good when my boss calls me all day? Is that really what I want? Does this serve me? When you clarify your values, you reclaim agency. Many of us repeat old patterns because they once workedwe were the perfect kid. But adulthood gives us the chance to ask, Why am I driving myself so hard? Do I want to keep doing this? Thats the deeper work of therapy. The practical side is learning to set limits. Boundaries are powerful, but without definition, theyre just amorphous. So maybe run an experiment: For two nights a week, log off at six, not check email until morning, and see what happens. Can you try that for a month? Slowly, you realize the world doesnt fall apartand that you can build a life more in your control. But it starts with asking: Why do I do this? Is it just habit? What are my real values? For years, I had terrible flying anxiety, especially when my kids were little. As a consultant, I flew weeklyit was stressful, every boundary crossed. On top of fearing the plane, I carried mom guilt: my kids were home with the nanny, I missed milestones, I felt like a terrible mother. But when I clarified my values, I saw that providing for my children and running a socially impactful business mattered deeply to me. Flying aligned with those values. That shift helped me move past the anxiety. It was hard, but powerfuland thats the kind of clarity values work can bring. JW: The inner critic drives high achievers, and for many parents that critic is especially loudboth at work and at home. How do you recommend quieting that voice without losing motivation or drive? MAM: One of my biggest aha momentsthanks to Judd Brewers workwas realizing that anxiety is a habit. Our inner critic, what I call the voice, is also a habit. Weve relied on it so long that it runs on autopilot. Same with our cognitive distortionsthey become familiar companions. As anxious achievers, we even use them as fuel. But breaking those habits is transformative. Take Newton Chang, a Google executive and world champion powerlifter. During the pandemic, he faced a serious mental health crisis. He told me that for most of his life he woke up every morning hearing, Youre lazy. Not from his parents, but from this ingrained voice. Of course, he wasnt lazybut in the pandemic, when he felt responsible for solving the unsolvable, the habit broke him down. He finally saw that this old pattern wasnt serving him and had to let it go. The work starts with noticing when the voice kicks in, naming it, maybe even giving it a character so it feels less like a part of you. The goal is to get to that place of choice: Do I listen to it because it motivates me, or do I tell it to shut up? And its also okay to acknowledge that this is part of who you are. I love Dr. Basima Tewfiks research at MIT on imposter syndrome. Shes shown that people with imposter feelings often outperform peers and are rated as more interpersonally effectivebecause they try harder and are more attuned. In one study, doctors with imposter feelings had better bedside manner. So sometimes, reframing matters: maybe this anxious, inner-critic-driven part of me isnt all bad. Maybe its also whats helped me get here. JW: If you could give one message to working mothers who feel like they’re holding everything together on the surface while managing intense anxiety underneath, what would it be? MAM: This too shall pass. Anxiety feels urgent because your body believes its under threatits just trying to protect you. But the truth is, it will pass, and you will get through it. As a mom with kids heading into high school and one still in elementary, I look back and hink: it all went so fast, and I wasted too much time on guilt and anxiety. It sounds cliché, but dont let anxiety cannibalize your time. Give yourself moments free of it. Remember: anxiety is an emotion, not the truthand like all emotions, it passes. If it doesnt, get help. {"blockType":"creator-network-promo","data":{"mediaUrl":"https:\/\/images.fastcompany.com\/image\/upload\/f_webp,q_auto,c_fit\/wp-cms-2\/2025\/03\/acupofambition_logo.jpg","headline":"A Cup of Ambition","description":"A biweekly newsletter for high-achieving moms who value having a meaningful career and being an involved parent, by Jessica Wilen. To learn more visit acupofambition.substack.com.","substackDomain":"https:\/\/acupofambition.substack.com","colorTheme":"salmon","redirectUrl":""}}
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Suddenly, as office buildings closed during the pandemic and millions of parents started working from home, many of us breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, no more commuting. More time with our kids. A once in a lifetime opportunity to concentrate on career and family with fewer hassles. Answer emails while cooking pasta sauce, join team Zoom in yoga pants, and always be there for bedtime. But five years into the remote-hybrid experiment, the arrangement is tougher than we expected. Yes, this flexibility has given us choices that did not exist before, but its also erased the lines so much that many working parents arent even sure if its freedom they are experiencing or just a different kind of trap. Flexibility: Leash or a lifeline This new way of working was liberating at first. Parents could make school pick up without getting the side-eye from coworkers. Doctors appointments for your child, no problem; just log back on after dinner. It was a way of easing the stress that we feel from the need to be perfect in the workplace and at home. The problem is that the work never actually stops. The laptop on the kitchen table is both a liberation and a ball and chain. Slack messages buzz through the entire swim meet, and the always on culture makes boundaries virtually disappear. This flexibility, surprisingly, has made life more difficult for some parents. If you can work from wherever, you end up working all the time. The mental load (doctors appointments, playdates, meal planning) is now just part of the workday. And having it all now means you do it all at the same time. {"blockType":"creator-network-promo","data":{"mediaUrl":"https:\/\/images.fastcompany.com\/image\/upload\/f_webp,q_auto,c_fit\/wp-cms-2\/2015\/08\/erikaaslogo.png","headline":"Girl, Listen: A Guide to What Really Matters","description":"Ericka dives into the heat of modern motherhood, challenging the notion that personal identity must be sacrificed at the altar of parenting. ","substackDomain":"https:\/\/erickasouter.substack.com\/","colorTheme":"blue","redirectUrl":""}} The messy reality of integration In theory, hybrid work offers the best of both worlds: days at home for focus and days in the office for face time and collaboration. But in reality, it can feel like living in two worlds at once. Parents ping-pong between spreadsheets and science projects, quarterly reports and permission slips. Life has become a constant state of multitasking. The cost: more burnout and guilt than you had before. You are working and you are parenting. You are parenting, but your mind is on your inbox. Lets face it: having it all was always a set up. It suggests that you can have a fulfilling career and blissful family life, and that you should. If you dont, youve failed. Unfortunately, remote and hybrid work didnt dismantle this myth. It repackaged it. We have gone from work-life balance to the fantasy of work-life integration. But integration does not mean harmony. Parents say they have longer days, shorter tempers, and a feeling they are failing at both work and life. Getting real about what matters The real question isnt whether parents can have it all. Its how we redefine what all even means. Does it mean being equally devoted to quarterly earnings and the bedtime routine? Or can we accept that sometimes a big presentation takes priority and sometimes its okay to step back for our family? We should give ourselves permission to choose what matters the most in different seasons of our lives. Employers must step up too by setting clearer norms about availability, respecting true off-hours, and offering flexibility that is functional, not suffocating. The reality is nobody has it all. Not the CEO. Not the stay-at-home parent. And certainly not the hybrid worker. What we can have is a life that reflects what matters most to us. It might be messy, and it definitely wont be perfect, but at least it will be realistic. {"blockType":"creator-network-promo","data":{"mediaUrl":"https:\/\/images.fastcompany.com\/image\/upload\/f_webp,q_auto,c_fit\/wp-cms-2\/2015\/08\/erikaaslogo.png","headline":"Girl, Listen: A Guide to What Really Matters","description":"Ericka dives into the heat of modern motherhood, challenging the notion that personal identity must be sacrificed at the altar of parenting. ","substackDomain":"https:\/\/erickasouter.substack.com\/","colorTheme":"blue","redirectUrl":""}}
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E-Commerce
AIs promise was it would liberate us from busywork. Instead, its becoming a new dependency. Maybe its an email you didnt feel like writing. A brainstorm you didnt feel inspired to lead. Code that would take you hours to program. A bio or outline that felt just a bit too hard to begin. You used to do these things on your own. But now AI makes it so easy to skip the effort that you barely notice youre outsourcing your thinking. I use AI to research companies for my venture fund, deep dive into new industries and technical topics, design presentations, and record my meetings. I am an advocate for AI use and literacy, but the more my work started to become intertwined with AI, the more I started to think about the looming digital addiction crisis. So I wasnt surprised to see that some researchers have begun labeling compulsive overuse of generative AI as a potential behavioral addiction. They found that over time, excessive reliance on AI can impair cognitive flexibility, diminish problem-solving abilities and erode creative independence. In other words, AI can enhance human capability, but if used unchecked, it can also start to replace it. In 2024, over $100 billion was invested into generative AI startups globally. But not enough money is being spent to understand or mitigate AIs psychological impact. At PsyMed Ventures, we want to change this by investing in a new generation of companies focused on digital wellness, cognitive resilience, and mental health in the AI era. However, while investing in research is a long-term fix, in the short term leaders can combat AI addiction by helping their teams implement AI boundaries. Signs You or Your Team Are Overusing AI How do you know when your AI use is becoming harmful? One early sign: you cant start working without it. Maybe you once drafted memos or solved problems on your own, but now you wait until an AI tool gives you a prompt or plan. That reliance can weaken your ability to think independently. A study from MIT used EEG to observe people using ChatGPT, Googles search engine, or nothing at all. Out of the 54 test subjects, ChatGPT users were found to have the worst brain engagement and consistently underperformed across neural, linguistic, and behavioral levels. This small study is the first step into the need for longitudinal studies to assess potential long-term effects on cognition, learning, and critical thinking. Another clear sign youre overusing AI tools is when you find yourself zoning out in meetings because you know the tool will capture, summarize, highlight action items, or even give real-time responses for you to say live. A 2025 mixed methods study on cognitive offloading shows that, while delegating comprehension to external aids can boost short-term efficiency, it undermines recall and independent reasoning when the aid is unavailable. Over time, relying on these tools can dull your ability to follow complex discussions in real time and chip away at your confidence in making judgments without algorithmic backup. Your decreased confidence can show when you hesitate to share an idea in a meeting until youve first run it through an AI for validation, even on topics where you have direct expertise. You might also notice yourself redoing projects or emails multiple times based on AI suggestions, even when the original version was solid. From AI Literacy to AI Boundaries In a rush to adopt generative AI across workplaces, most leaders are focusing on AI literacy, without thinking about the consequences of overreliance. However, AI literacy also requires focusing on AI boundaries. Similar to healthy screen time or smartphone use, guidance for ourselves and our employees on when to lean on AI and when to deliberately step back will help us use this tool in a way that benefits rather than harms us. A good first step is treating AI as a collaborator, not a crutch. AI is immensely helpful for ideation, summarization, and drafting, but it shouldnt replace human reasoning or judgment. One practical shift is to use AI to support your thinking, not to start it. For example, if youre drafting a report, write your main argument or outline yourself before prompting a tool like ChatGPT to help you refine, expand, or stress-test what youve already written while you still do the core thinking, analysis, and structuring on your own. Just as we schedule physical workouts, its worth building in analog workouts for the brain. These are AI-free moments of problem-solving, brainstorming, or creative writing without any digital help. This could mean gathering at a whiteboard to map out workflows without laptops, drafting meeting agendas or strategy notes by hand, solving a technical bug without a copilot, holding quick debates or design sprints without digital aids, or jotting down meeting takeaways from memory before checking notes. These small acts protect human creativity and maintain our ability to think deeply without an algorithms influence. Consider digital wellness check-ins or even AI detox periods, especially for younger employees who may be more prone to skill erosion. Its also valuable for leaders to outline where not to use AI. Every team should establish task boundaries like AI can be used for general research or a second set of eyes, but never for a final output. Look for ways to limit its influence on high-stakes or irreversible decisions, like hiring, strategic pivots, policy changes, or investment selection. AI should serve as a research and analysis assistant not the ultimate decision-maker. This not only guards against overreliance on AIs outputs but also preserves accountability, ensuring that critical choices remain the product of deliberate human judgment rather than automated consensus. Avoiding The Digital Addiction Crisis, Together Some may argue that enforcing AI boundaries can slow progress or undermine the very operational or financial efficiency gains these tools promise. But ignoring these limits risks a hidden cost of eroding the skills, confidence, and independent thinking that keep a business resilient. Saving time today is meaningless if your team loses the ability to problem-solve tomorrow. Other common objections include fears that boundaries will make the company less competitive, that employees will ignore them, or that skilled staff dont need them. In reality, boundaries are about using AI better, not less, by protecting teams from overreliance. Leaders can frame boundaries not as top-down restrictions, but as a shared investment in long-term capability by inviting employees into the conversation about where AI should support and where human judgment must lead. This collaborative approach turns guardrails into a cultural norm, rather than a compliance burden, and reassures teams that the goal isnt to strip away autonomy but to protect it. Yes, AI can make work faster and cheaper but the healthiest workplaces will bethose that treat efficiency as a means to strengthen people, not replace them.
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